sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We left the knife in your bed.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
