taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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