discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
