its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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