Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
where does the pee come out of this thing
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
