M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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