she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
