My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
