Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
how does that bad decision feel?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
