I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
