Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
