And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
