I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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