i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
