btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
