she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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