Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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