Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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