Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
