just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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