Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
