you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
