didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
