We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
