we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
