If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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