So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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