why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have fence marks all over my body
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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