Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize