where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She told me I should be a condom model.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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