White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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