So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
