Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
