I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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