Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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