My nipple is on Facebook.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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