I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i think i have two assholes
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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