just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
