I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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