I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
