We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
