You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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