You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
