On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
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