My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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