well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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