Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize