Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
