i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
