This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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