My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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