you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
