im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
