I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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