I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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