He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I faked an abortion last night.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I understand Curling. That high.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
