i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
