I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't turn off my feet"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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