So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
