dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
