I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
