Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
