i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
