Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
