I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
