he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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