does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
