Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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