Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
