are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
