You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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