Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize