ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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