were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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